Look what Humans of New York tried to put over on us today:
“It’s our first date. We met on Fire Island. I wasn’t even planning on going out that night. I’d already drank half a bottle of Johnny Black so I was just going to stay in and read my Chelsea Handler book, but my friends promised to bake me cookies if I went to the club with them. So I went to buy three bags of cookie dough, and when I finally got to the club all my friends were making out with somebody, so I was like ‘this sucks,’ and I just started dancing by myself and eating the cookie dough. Then I saw him by the DJ booth and we made eye contact so I went over and started sharing my cookie dough. We never actually spoke. Then a few months later I ran into him on the subway.”
(Facebook: Humans of New York)
HONY thought it would be cute to substitute “cookie dough” for cocaine without even realizing how ridiculous that lie is. Ain’t nobody eating a bag of cookie dough out with their friends on Fire Island. A bag of warm-ass cookie dough in a gay club. What intern from Oklahoma thought that was cute? Let me tell you how that evening really went.
“It’s our first actual date with actual words. The first doesn’t count because we only swapped blowjobs that we barely remember in the Meat Rack out on Fire Island. I wasn’t even planning on going out that night. I’d already drank half a bottle of Johnny Black so I was just going to stay in and vaguely glance at my Chelsea Handler book while waiting on a Scruff notification from someone I’d actually let come over and plow me, but my friends promised me coke if I went out with them, and not the regular kind. Good stuff. Like Wall Street coke. They text me the guy’s address to go pick it up and they’d pay me back when I got to the club, so I picked up three bags. When I finally got to the club, all my friends were making out with somebody, so I was like ‘I have all this coke to myself and I’m already drunk’ so I started dancing by myself and doing keybumps in the corner. Then I saw him by the DJ booth and we made eye contact so I went over to see if he was into blow too. We never actually spoke. A few bumps turned into blowjobs and then a few months later I saw him on Grindr here in the city and he was 250 ft away.”
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