1. Single White Female is one of my favorite Upper Middle Class White Woman Thrillers of the 90s. They all had posters where a piece of paper looked like it was ripped out or tacked on.
Ergo, I really want someone to make me a poster for Single Black Female to slip right into this genre!
2. There really aren’t a whole lot of similarities to Single White Female though. I figured this was a Black remake of an old white movie — like when Lifetime did Steel Magnolias again with Queen Latifah and Alfre Woodard — but nope! It’s basically a whole new movie, and I appreciate that!
3. First Aunt Viv still don’t play. But also, you can’t just sign your initials to a check, ma’am.
4. Was that girl’s name Elody? Like Melody without an M? She deserved whatever was coming to her for that alone.
5. Monica and Simone are dressing dressing! I love when the wardrobe department is on point. That lil fit Monica had on with the pink pants and the green jacket? Chef’s kiss. However! They gave Monica that hard wig line and I don’t understand why her mesh didn’t look like Simone’s. Monica is supposed to be the Oprah of Houston! Oprah would never let K. Michelle give her a wig line like that.
6. Cast K. Michelle in literally everything. I feel like Kimberly has debuted another face since she filmed this movie but I will say that she ain’t ever had a bad one. They might not all move, but every face K. Michelle has given us has been fabulous. She should’ve had whoever is doing her face recommend someone to do her body, but then again, she wouldn’t be hosting Black Botched if she hadn’t gone through silicone Hell so. The universe know what it’s doing.
7. I’m not NOT in favor of funeral sex, but maybe don’t ask your girlfriend to break you off a piece upstairs if the funeral is for her father. Funeral sex is for when the deceased is a third cousin or something.
8. I’m not sure if it’s that notable, but I definitely had a moment halfway though where I thought “nobody has said anything about size in this movie.” I guess I’m so preconditioned to expect a lead actress of a certain size, especially if there’s any romance involved. Anytime the lead is over a size 6, somebody talks about it. It’s not necessarily a derogatory comment, but it’s mentioned. The love interest has to specifically say he’s into big women or the skinny friend has to convince her that she looks good in a certain dress. Or a parent has to say something about how they were big as a child. But nope, Monica is just living and dressing and romancing.
9. I want a K. Michelle / Amber Riley duet.
10. I feel like you should avoid having sex with your coworkers by any means necessary, but if you must go there, at least make sure nobody is masturbating in the closet.
11. Why was the Mayor of Houston on the campaign trail in Virginia???
12. I love Lifetime movies. I used to watch Tori Spelling’s Latest Dramatic Effort every other Sunday growing up. This was a perfect Lifetime movie. I laughed, I hollered, I rolled my eyes, I predicted the entire plot 15 minutes into the flick, I frequently said “well that was a choice!” at whatever direction was being given to the actors, and I had a great time. I’m so ready for next week’s!
Score: 7/10
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