More people should get slapped, really.

I’m retiring from Slap Discourse, but I’m still amazed by how many people have such a firm stance on hitting people. I guess I’m more violent than I realized, because “there is no reason to ever hit someone” has never been part of my spirit. Here is a short list of times I absolutely wanted to hit someone but didn’t because I didn’t want to go to jail:

1. A white lady spit at me in Bed Bath & Beyond because I wouldn’t accept her return of 5 year old stained sheets. I wanted to slap her from across the counter. I didn’t because I would have gone to jail, but she spit at me because she knew I wouldn’t hit her. If I had been able to slap her, she would’ve never spit on me in the first place.

2. In college we were playing Halo and a guy said “we got ropes where I come from for niggerfaggots like you.” Instead of punching him, I walked out of the room and never spoke to him again, because I didn’t want to get kicked out of school. Would punching him have made him into a better person? No. Would I have felt better? Absolutely.

3. When I got raped in college, one of the cops whispered to the other that I probably liked it anyway. I didn’t slap him, because that would be suicide, but I still to this day wish I had been able to.

4. I was at a bar when a meathead soldier on leave asked my friend for her number and when she didn’t give it to him, he brought out some cash, called her a whore, and asked how much. I wanted to slap him, but I didn’t. She turned away and he grabbed her, so she slapped him. Then he punched her so hard she flew back into the bathroom. If I had slapped him when I first wanted to, she never would’ve been punched.

I could keep going, but it’s just wild to me that more people don’t consider words to be assault. I’ve never had anyone hit me where the pain lasted past that day, but I still vividly remember how I felt when my so-called friend called me a niggerfaggot to my face. I guess it does make sense that so many people have such a firm stance against physical retribution, because if they didn’t, more people would be getting popped in the mouth for violent disrespect. They are the reason I’ve never hit anyone first, because they’d put me in jail.