The most famous family in the world is in the midst of a PR crisis (another one! go figure!) and as a lover of mess, I feel compelled to show y’all this so you can understand what a colossal unforced error this is for no reason!
Kate Middleton has essentially been missing since Christmas, and as the public grew more and more restless for some evidence that she was, ya know…alive…the palace officially released this family portrait to say “Kate is fine.”
I don’t really know anything about photography or AI. The only thing that will save me from believing a fake photo is honestly just gut instinct and a penchant for looking things up. That essentially means if I scroll by something that isn’t all that important to me, I’m not going to take the time to figure out if it’s AI, so I saw that picture and thought “oh okay, she’s fine.” And then multiple news agencies pulled the photo! The AP released a kill order on all reference to the photo because it was deemed to be manipulated in such a way that they wouldn’t stand behind their previous reporting.
I mean, that’s what she looks like, as far as I can recall, and she does have three children, and they have all the right number of fingers, but this is the AP. They’re not going to release an order like that unless they’re really confident that something in the milk is decidedly not clean, and lo and behold, look at the wrist.
Whoever created/manipulated/jacked up this photo did not do a good job doing whatever they were trying to accomplish with this hand/wrist situation! So of course, given the shoddy relationship the Royals historically have had with the truth, anyone even remotely invested in the drama has dipped a toe into the rabbit hole of weirdness to figure out what is going on here. And in the midst of all the theories, Kate Middleton tweets this morning that she’s an amateur photographer who made a boo boo with photoshop.
They really made that lady get online and take the fall for an official photo that was released by the Palace. I don’t know a lot about how that family works, but I feel like there are a lot of levels and checks and balances between the Princess taking a photo and it getting released onto the Internet. So how did we get to the point where a big chunk of the English-speaking world is trying to figure out if the Windors have Shelly Miscaviage’d Kate Middleton right off the face of the planet? I think the easiest way to understand the confusion is to look at King Charles (ew, I still do not like typing that), who was also in the hospital, to compare his updates with the lack of updates from Kate.
December 2023
Kate is seen for the last time on Christmas Day and then she’s admitted to the hospital on December 28th.
January 2024
On January 17th, (this is three full weeks after she was last seen), Kensington Palace says Kate was admitted to the hospital for a planned surgery and would recover for a couple of weeks before being sent home to recover some more.
Also on January 17th, Buckingham Palace tells us that Charles is also in the hospital for a procedure related to his enlarged prostate.
I already have questions!
- If Kate was admitted on December 28th, what was happening between then and January 17th?
- If this was a planned procedure, why are we just now adjusting the engagement calendar and postponing dates?
- Do the palaces not speak to each other? Why are they announcing both on the same day?
On January 26th, Charles has his procedure and reportedly visited Kate beforehand, since they were in the same hospital.
Three days later on January 29th, Kensington Palace says Kate has been released and will continue recovering at home. The most famous family in the world has released no photos of Kate leaving the hospital.
That same day, Buckingham Palace tells us that Charles is also leaving, as he waves to the photographers.
February 2024
Charles is diagnosed with cancer on February 5th and they release a statement. The statement pointedly concludes with “His Majesty has chosen to share his diagnosis to prevent speculation” as the public has beenspeculating about Kate for about 7 weeks now.
February 10th, Buckingham Palace thanks the public for their support of Charles. Nothing from Kate or Kensington.
On February 23rd, we have the King reading his get well cards. We’re now at the two-month mark of no sign of Kate.
March 2024
Kate spotted! Paparazzi caught Kate riding passenger with her mom and this grainy photo popped up all over the internet.
And, some skeptics did not believe it was her. They were out here doing enhanced imagery and all kinds of Law & Order SVU photo manipulation to figure out who that lady was, but like I said earlier — I just take it at face value. It looks like her to me, so it’s her. She’s fine, she’s riding around with mom, everything is cool in Windsor Land. The majority of casual onlookers felt that she hadn’t disappeared, and whatever is going on with her health is her businesses.
So why did this family, who understands (and influences) the media more than any other family on the planet decide to commit that unforced error by releasing a manipulated photo to the public and then have Kate take the fall for photoshopping it?? I mean, I watch Housewives. And I know a strained marriage when I see one! William is trying to leave that lady. This is Kyle and Mauricio, the pip pip cheerio version, and Kate is about to pop up on the French Riviera tanning herself with a lesbian of questionable taste. The tension between Buckingham Palace and Kensington Palace is palpable all the way over here on this side of the pond. They were basically having a pissing match in the press!
Kensington: Kate had surgery yesterday.
Buckingham: Charles is having surgery TODAY!
Kensington: Kate left the hospital.
Buckingham: Charles is leaving the hospital RIGHT NOW WITH PHOTOS!
Kensington: ((silence))
Buckingham: NOISE! I’M DOING SO WELL!
And through all of this, Prince Harry flew all the way over to the UK, spent less than an hour with his father during his recovery, and flew right back to Los Angeles, the land of sane people and a reasonable tabloid press. Princess Meghan reportedly spotted at The Ivy telling a friend “one thing about them tables…they always turn.”
But seriously, why all the speculation? Why should we care? Isn’t everyone entitled to some privacy?
Well, I think speculating about rich people is fun. I’ve loved celebrity gossip since I was child. Some people play video games — some people read TMZ. It is what it is.
And we shouldn’t care anymore than we should care about who had the best dress at the Oscars or which album track Taylor Swift is going to introduce at the next stop of the Eras tour or why it takes so long for Stranger Things to film one season of that show. None of this is important. The world is melting and everybody’s at war.
I do however have some strong feelings about the privacy of the royals though…because those people don’t have a job. They are raking in taxpayer money, but they don’t actually have a job beyond existing and being public. Their entire livelihood is predicated upon the understanding that they go out, wave a little hand, say a little word, and tell the people what’s up when they can’t come to work. The people are their boss, and I can’t just disappear for 60 days without telling my boss where I went, so Kate can’t either. That lady is not doing her job and is also not telling anybody why she can’t do her job…so she must not need a job! There is no point to this family anymore, when the four most senior people (Charles, Camilla, Kate, and William) can all just disappear for long stretches and the world keeps on turning without a blip.
So, beyond all the goofy supposition and midday escapism from our mundane office work, I just want to join the ranks of folks who say the Windors are a relic of a bygone era that has no place in modern society. Dismantle the Royal Family and make those people get a real job.
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